THE MOMENT GIVER

There was a season when I held them—
tiny, soft foreheads tucked into the warmest crease of my neck,
wiggly feet as if tap dancing on air.

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Include the trips to France. And the seven Danes. The gardens, of course. And words thought of and laid down on paper like little pieces of my soul uprooted and strewn about. Amongst life’s uncomplicated, beautiful pleasures, at the tippy top of the list
is dancing with my sons.

This ritual—
Of Annie Lennox blaring in the kitchen,
and bongo-playing Sunday mornings before loading in the car for church,
this song-accompanying of everyday moments, a part of us even before their births.

If I could wish for more of something, I would wish for this. That is, the uninterrupted procession of verse and chorus, an excuse to come in close and take in the men that my boys became.

The Moment Giver grants us hours—not days and weeks, months and years. We are depleted, robbed of every detail, when we move too quickly through.

When is the last time I bent down to gather up this embodied heaven, interlocking his tiny plump fingers in mine? Do I struggle to remember because this young mother was too distracted in her now?

If I could go back and do it over, I would cultivate a thousand opportunities to hold tighter, to abandon all notion of perfection and simply stretch, bend, sway, glide. I would live more consciously in the revelation that life is richer when I will my thoughts to settle in on “what is” in defiance of the “what next.”

I wonder, do our whole lives really flash before us just before we depart? Or, does the spirit store up only its favorite lines of our stories to be referenced and remembered in that last sacred hour? 

If my life is distilled down to what my heart has underlined and highlighted, the moments most-remembered will be the dancing ones. Never mind the grand adventures, even the enriching career. I have learned to covet the simplest of pleasures, a purifying made necessary by the body’s need to heal. 

This is the season of dancing, of allowing, even craving, an intimacy with others that brings us heart-to-heart, nose to nose. Hard things bring this kind of softness, a vulnerability that trusts others to take the lead.

Of all the medicines I’ve ingested, there is one that heals far above the rest. That is, etching memories—dancing, holding, whispering “I love you’s”— that the soul cannot forget.

NOTES:

I feel compelled to post this—I asked my three men [Kyle, Cameron, Quinn] to share their favorite lessons learned from their mama [that’s me] and this is what they said:

Be confident in who you are.
Authenticity is the most attractive trait.
Stand up for what you believe is right, conviction in the face of tyranny.
View failure as an additional opportunity to succeed.
The most profound lessons come in the midst of perceived failure.
Perseverance is the most under-appreciated word.
Never overlook the value of something old [people and places included].
Be okay with not being okay.
Accept when you're at a loss and then rise above it.
There can be honor in defeat and a lesson to be learned.
Use your manners, even when no one is looking. Especially, chew with your mouth closed.
Dress to impress [one cannot underestimate the power of taking your appearance seriously].
Do it right the first time. Sometimes you’re not granted a second chance.
Patience by practice. Love is shown is many ways but perhaps none more important than patience...in life, relationships, and family.
Cultivate a critical eye for noticing everything, particularly when it comes to building and design. Respect the journey that others are on, even when faced with blatant disrespect of your own beliefs.
Disrespect is an indicator of lack of self-confidence and emotional maturity.
Love hard. Live honorably. These are deeply tied together. It is impossible to live honorably without loving others more than ourselves.
The tribe always comes before the individual.
We find ourselves adrift without the safe harbor of family.
Speak well and with confidence. The ability to communicate clearly and effectively will provide positive outcomes in every area of life.
Commit. Your word is your bond. If you commit to something or someone - hold fast and stay true.

IMAGES: At Kyle’s and Erin’s wedding I was barefoot for the Mother/Son dance. In the image below [at Cameron’s and Mia’s wedding] I had just removed these ridiculously tall and pointy black leather boots that I wore so I could look my 6’3 son, Cameron in the eyes [above]. I’m not certain I remember who was surrounding us, but I can tell you I will never forget the feeling of dancing with my sons. One of these days I’ll catch an image of Quinn and I dancing [he loves to tear up the floor alone :)].

IMAGES:

In the bottom image I was barefoot for most of Kyle’s and Erin’s reception. The dancing was easier that way. In the lead picture [captured and Cameron’s and Mia’s wedding] I was wearing these impossibly high-healed, pointed-toe boots which made it easier to look my 6’3 Cameron directly in the eye.

If

Notes:

For my Mother’s Day gift, Kyle, Cameron, and Quinn shared the lessons they learned from me that they take with them in their everyday lives. Their unedited words speak to all of us:

Be confident in who you are.
Authenticity is the most attractive trait.

Stand up for what you believe is right, conviction in the face of tyranny.

View failure as an additional opportunity to succeed. The most profound lessons come in the midst of perceived failure.

Perseverance is the most under-appreciated word.

Never overlook the value of something old [people and places included].

Be okay with not being okay. Accept when you're at a loss and then rise above it. There can be honor in defeat and a lesson to be learned. 

Use your manners, even when no one is looking. Especially, chew with your mouth closed.

Dress to impress [one cannot underestimate the power of taking your appearance seriously].

Do it right the first time. Sometimes you’re not granted a second chance.

Patience by practice. Love is shown is many ways but perhaps none more important than patience...in life, relationships, and family. 

Cultivate a critical eye for noticing everything, particularly when it comes to building and design.

Respect the journey that others are on, even when faced with blatant disrespect of your own beliefs.

Disrespect is an indicator of lack of self-confidence and emotional maturity.

Love hard. Live honorably. These are deeply tied together. It is impossible to live honorably without loving others more than ourselves.

The tribe always comes before the individual. We find ourselves adrift without the safe harbor of family.

Speak well and with confidence. The ability to communicate clearly and effectively will provide positive outcomes in every area of life. 

Commit. Your word is your bond. If you commit to something or someone - hold fast and stay true.