TALKING TO A TUMOR
The mind can accomplish nothing without the collusion of the soul.
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In my lifetime I have felt the ravages of anger, known it’s debilitating ways in the then and now. What I hadn’t counted on was the residual impact, it’s relationship with every cell.
With calculated ambition, I have decided not to go to war with my body. That’s not to say that I don’t intend to fight. But not with the violence that takes hold of the heart and lingers, the kind of hatred that damages the the physical and forces the soul to submit.
This is a matter of…contending—
A looking deep into it, searching, seeking.
So that body, mind, and soul are harnessed toward an outcome of wholeness,
and who I am refuses to be pulled apart.
“Be anxious for nothing.” A command that acknowledges this common human tendency to separate from self.
I have imagined the lesions, spread like perennial seeds buried in tissue rather than soil. To say they are back would be misleading. It’s more accurate that they have been dormant for a while.
There is admission, accompanied by a measure of confusion, that I am having a difficult time disdaining what is within me, instead, imagining the fresh specs on the CT scan more as lessons that blossom then wither, the decaying matter left to be rooted out.
“What have you come to teach me?” I ask my tumors. The question assumes that this has been allowed for a purpose that I refuse to look away from, miss, disregard.
There is no getting away from this enemy. For self-preservation I make my enemy my friend. We are on a journey of discovery together. One of us will cease to exist at journey’s end.
I will not go to war with my body, not fill myself with the negative vibrations of destruction and death.
Instead, like the flowers who bend toward the softest voices, that flourish when given love, I fill my body with quiet encouragement to join in my healing cause.
Oh, little tumor, thank you for bringing such exquisite agony,
for awakening this defiant joy,
for bringing such consequential mission,
for unleashing this unbounded hope.
What anxiety are you holding? This is your message to lay it down. To speak softly into every burdening situation, to take hold of what’s eating away at your “self.”
NOTES:
I have written of my intension to seek surgery. That surgery is not to come. “The cancer is too pervasive,” my surgeon remarked. “And you are feeling far too good right now.”
This is dilemma most of us with cancer face:
The treatment is never without substantial sacrifice of the body/mind/spirit kind.
This is not to say we are doing nothing.
NOTHING could be further than the truth.
In my entry, The Counsel of the Night, I spoke of a state-of-the-art genetic testing method which analogizes results to a multitude of treatment modalities [integrative, chemo and immune therapies, off label/repurposed drugs, supplements, therapies] and matches patient-specific disease to targeted therapies to remove guess work and heighten/improve the odds for positive outcomes.
The results of this test are astounding. Here are the highlights in brief:
1. A traditional oncology approach would have left me believing there are no viable options to extend my life.
2. My testing revealed that there are numerous off-label and repurposed modalities that have the real potential to not only cause substantial cell death but suppress and even diminish the cancer cells in my body over time.
You will ask, how do ‘they’ know?
Remarkably, science is at the point where we are able to study actual cancer genes in a laboratory, applying multiple therapies to actual cells, then, observing what happens to those cells under exposure to a variety of substances.
I continue to marvel that our blood was created to hold the answers to who we are. Fearfully and wonderfully made is an understatement. I find peace and revelation in repeating these mystical words.
Working alongside my integrative medicine team, we are rapidly—
1. Evaluating previous tissue and blood samples
2. Collating results from all therapies employed to date
3. Integrating all information with recent testing
To formulate the most effective, synergistic plan.
Should this give you hope? Absolutely. We are trailblazers taking the guesswork out of which way to turn.
The message I want to leave you is this—
Do not go to war with your own body.
Do not give up, give in, or turn away.
Listen to what your body, mind, and spirit are trying to tell you.
Don’t be afraid of what you hear.
IMAGE: Perhaps not the most beautiful but certainly the most fascinating image I have ever posted, this is the genetic pathway of the primary tumor in my body. It’s a vulnerable decision to post this intimate glimpse inside of me. I am sharing it for three important reasons: 1] to visually demonstrate the complexity of our engineering, created by the master Engineer, 2] to give you hope that science is advancing at the speed of light 3] to provide a powerful picture to pray over as you bring this situation to the Healer himself.