I’m perched in the waiting room chair anticipating test results and this image of Ron’s fingers, cupped and interlaced, pops into my head. “A perfect little bowl!” he contemplated with curious delight. At the time I dismissed the gesture as silly: I was wrong not to notice that the consequential moments of our lives are similarly entwined.
It must be the more serious nature of my now that has me so connected to the sweetness of my then— a little girl’s universe held within the framework of a farmhouse porch, and the Sunday afternoon scattering of familiar voices wedged between juicy bites of beefsteak tomatoes and fresh-baked bread.
Soul is mouth-watering anticipation, the sweet and bitter simultaneous on the tongue. Soul is grateful for enough and the incessant longing for just a little more.
Amid the conversations and commotions of my growing up years, I began to catch undeniable glimpses of who I am within—
in my enchantment with storytelling
in the ability to quiet myself and listen
in the compelling of speaking up when something wasn’t right
in the awe of seeds planted and grown—
and I liked that these things seemed to be a fundamental part of me like fingernails and skin.
Soul is recognition of self in a crowd. Soul is A trusting that who you are, is who you will show up as, again and again.
Recently I’ve noticed that the more I’m exposed to the things of the world, the less I am connected to myself.
And I wonder when I agreed to this insatiable need to know everything instead of intimately knowing me.
Based on my own headlines it’s evident that I need to pay more attention to the stories closest to my heart,
to escape the landscape of never-ending words and retreat to the unspoken wisdom of God’s grace.
Above all, to stop participating without being wholly engaged…
because anything that distracts the concert of body, mind, and spirit is kindred to a thousand tiny deaths.
Soul is silence, a knowing, mind conversing with heart. Soul is arbiter, sage, truth-teller in every circumstance.
I remember my daddy telling me once that not all of life is fun. That jarring revelation follows me from little girl to woman nestled in my waiting room chair.
Here, in the soft light of morning battling with my cluttered mind, I interlock my fingers to create this miraculous little bowl, then imagine every wondrous wisdom apprehended through the years…and I place it all in the cup of my hands for safekeeping.
26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?
For MORE ON SOUL:
ON SEARCHING FOR SOUL—
Definition: Soul. The apprehended wisdom of body, mind, spirit. The [Created] essence of who we are.
Questions to Ask:
What is my earliest observation of myself?
What did I like best about me as a child?
What do I long for?
Where do I go to get in touch with me?
When is the last time I did I deep-dive self-examination of:
Where do I invest my time?
How do I feel when I’m alone?
How do I feel when I’m with others?
Do I often regret my actions when I’m with others?
What is my body telling me?
What is the thing I love about myself? When did I first see it manifest?
Is there a gifting or trait about myself that others are drawn to?
What is the area of my life where I consistently bear fruit?
Do I operate within the framework of sense-of-purpose?